


We Made a Pact

by BastardSirius



Series: Puppy Love Playlist Challenge [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:28:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8762368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BastardSirius/pseuds/BastardSirius
Summary: Remus and Sirius made a pact when they were eighteen, and almost two decades later they kept their promise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of a series of S/R fanfic pieces I am writing as per a challenge I gave myself. I made a playlist recently and realized that a lot of the songs there made me think of S/R. So now I am writing a piece for every song on the playlist. Some are coming easily (like this one), some are tricker.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_You_

_You and I made a pact_

_A deal that as we lay dying_

_We'd think about each other then_

_And smile as we're taken in_

We Made a Pact - Hey Rosetta!

 

A year into the war (for them), when they were only eighteen, the Marauders had seen enough danger and death to give anyone a life time’s worth of nightmares. The Order members tried to group up for missions without friends or family to avoid double-tragedies whenever they could, but each of them - mostly on separate missions - had seen all Unforgivable Curses being used, and more.

After a particularly unsuccessful mission for any of them, whoever was in town of the group would meet up at a bar and spend the night drinking, laughing and reminiscing. Those nights often ended up with long talks about the war once they were back in one of their homes. It was their outlet, their way of trying to stay sane. They couldn’t share details for security reasons but they would mention who had died or vague descriptions of injuries.

James had met the man himself - Voldemort - more than any of them. His stories mostly included attempting to save muggles and his hatred for Dark Magic. His guilt for not being able to save innocents would often have him crying silently by the end of the night.

Peter got relatively lucky as he had only seen a couple of people die but he felt insignificant. He always seemed to be in the group that fell for traps or decoys. He felt useless and would share his frustration over (too many) beers, asking how can he help anyone when none of his missions matter.

Remus spoke to them the least. It wasn’t in his nature to share pain or struggle. When he was back from a difficult mission, if Sirius was home, he would sometimes not even wait to shower before attacking Sirius’ lips with such ferocity and searching that Sirius had once joked if his mission was to watch porn, seeing how turned on Remus was. As time went on, though, Sirius recognized his boyfriend’s unspoken emotions and rituals. Sex for Remus was closeness, a tie to his life with his friends and love for Sirius. Seeing terrible things made Remus want the Good, to remember and live it. To keep the tradition up, usually the next night they would go out with the Marauders.

Sirius had the best instinct for going where trouble was. He always had. The war was no different. Without fail, almost all of his high-profile missions ended up in either a blood-bath, nasty injuries or kidnappings. He had gone through different stages of reactions to this. First, like all of them, was the reality of war hitting him like a brick and he had cried for all the lives lost and every single detail he could have done better to save one more life. Later, he had started being vengeful and angry, going to extremes to find and hurt Deatheaters. Now he was slowly focusing on finding hidden Deatheaters; the ones in the ministry particularly were very difficult to weed out. He would often share his theories with the Marauders to see if they made sense. Sometimes he would be right, sometimes he wouldn’t.

In April, shortly after Peter’s birthday, Sirius had returned from a short mission in Romania and they went out to drink, as was their custom. After a rather colorful version of Happy Birthday song that was sang off-key by James and Sirius and included a few too many references to hippogriffs and rats, they went to a quieter muggle pub to talk. The conversation came to Order business, as it always did. It seemed to consume them these days.

“I know it’s only natural for me to be right,” Sirius said, trying to keep his voice light, “I am, after all, brilliant. Can’t complain about that.”

“Still,” James said uneasily, “It can’t be great finding out that McGool - McGool, of all people! - was the one who ruined the last mission. How did you find out anyway? You’ve never mentioned him as a suspect before.”

“Well,” Sirius said, shrugging, “At first it was only instinctual so there was nothing to share. Just a few too many pauses during his speech at meetings, things like that. He also listened to Remus with unusual attention. I wrote it off as me being jealous before the other signs added up and it clicked. He was listening to Remus intently not because he was attracted to him, but because Remus - short of Dumbledore himself - has the most secretive missions. Almost all of us get to share a lot of information so McGool was getting information from us slowly but surely. But Remus almost never gave briefings to anybody but Dumbledore, and as far as I know doesn’t even write mission reports, let alone deliver them. So McGool had to be more perceptive and careful when Remus spoke, for hints and information.”

“Ah I see - so your idea was to stage a raid and if you were wrong you at least would get to hurt one of your romantic rivals. I see how it is,” James joked. They tried to keep their pub-conversations from getting too morose or detailed. You never knew who was nearby, and crying in public wasn’t exactly a favored activity.

Sirius smiled and shook his head. “It’s just scary sometimes,” he said softly, almost impossible to hear even in the relatively quiet pub, “How close some of them are. I’ve been on at least four missions with McGool that I can think of. And all that time… If I had crossed him in some way or stopped being useful, he would have killed me.”

“But he couldn’t, because you’re Sirius Black!” Peter exclaimed, raising his glass towards Sirius.

“That’s right!”

Glasses were raised first to ‘Padfoot’s amazingness’ as Sirius put it, then a few of their most recently fallen friends and family. By the end of the night they weren’t happy but they all felt better than when they had started. They always did, being together.

A few days later, at two in the morning, Sirius woke up to go to the loo but as soon as he opened his eyes he noticed there was light coming from outside of the room, and jumped out of bed within seconds, wand already in his hand. He walked slowly towards the open bedroom door and was running through scenarios - and potential hexes - in his head until he saw that the light was coming from the bathroom. Its door was slightly parted, which is why the light was brighter than usual.

The potential for danger was still there and Sirius walked carefully, but now there was a chance it was Remus so he couldn’t help but relax slightly. It would be unusual, but maybe Remus had just arrived and was taking a shower before bed. Sirius couldn’t hear any water, though. As he came to the door, he understood why. Remus had cast a silencing spell. His heart broke when he saw his lover.

Remus was sitting in the bathtub, hugging his knees. Sirius couldn’t see his face but could tell that he was crying first from the way his torso moved and then, as he entered the room and past the silencing spell, from the desperate whimpers. Remus could always tell when somebody was in the room, none of them had ever managed to sneak up on him even as he slept but right now he didn’t seem aware of Sirius’ presence. Sirius kept walking towards him to see that his back was covered with fresh wounds. Without thinking, he muttered a quick healing spell and the wounds began to change color and soften as the magic did its work.

Remus, startled, turned to him. He had stopped sobbing as soon as Sirius had cast the spell. Sirius knew it wasn’t because the pain had stopped. It was because Remus had noticed Sirius’ presence at last and immediately started closing up, curling within himself emotionally like a knarl poked with a stick.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered, voice hoarse from Merlin-knows-what he had had to endure while getting those wounds, or perhaps because he had been crying for a while. Remus wiped his face with the back of his hand and made himself sit up straighter, trying to look put-together but his attempt had the opposite effect: it made him look more fragile.

Sirius didn’t respond. He took off his boxers, relieved himself quickly and walked over to the tub. He got into the water, behind Remus and held him. After a few minutes of silence, Sirius felt Remus’ back shaking against his chest and knew that his love - his gentle, kind, fragile love - was crying again. He squeezed Remus tighter and fought against the urge of talking.

Eventually Remus’ tears were spent and he was nodding off. Taking that as a cue, Sirius got up, cast a quick spell to get rid of the warm bath water in the tub and on them, and carried Remus to bed who, uncharacteristically, did not protest. And Sirius didn’t tease him about how light he was like he usually would have. His thin lover felt all bones and skin in his arms - he must have lost even more weight during this mission - and he was afraid that even speaking would hurt him.

Once comfortably in bed, Sirius was more than ready to go back to sleep. He’d barely slept a few hours yet. Just as he threw and arm over Remus and closed his eyes, Remus made a sound. Sirius couldn’t hear so he responded with a sleepy “G’night,” assuming that’s what Remus had said.

“Sirius,” Remus repeated, turning to face him, “Please.”  
  
“Please what?” Sirius asked, not opening his eyes but shifting himself closer to Remus.

Remus reached out and started stroking Sirius through his pants and shifting his body to close the short distance between them. Sirius wasn’t hard even though it had been weeks since they had last seen each other due to conflicting schedules. He couldn’t think about sex after what he had just seen. Remus must have sensed the reason, and said: “It doesn’t hurt.”

“In the morning?” Sirius suggested, feeling more awake but still not up for sex.

Remus close his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I need to feel you. I need — I’ve missed you.”

“Remus,” Sirius said, brushing away Remus’ messy fringe to the back of his ear, “I’m right here. You’re home.”

“I just want to feel human and — and alive,” Remus whispered.

In response, Sirius started stroking Remus. Remus wasn’t hard either, not yet. As he kissed Remus’ neck and felt him become harder in his hand, he once again thought of how emotional sex was for Remus. It wasn’t every time; they’d had their share of gropes and shags that were far from deep emotional experiences and just plain _fun._ But Remus - for all the books he read - was not a man of many words, especially when it came to romance. His first “I love you” had been through sex and kisses, long before he uttered the words out loud. Physical intimacy was how Remus conveyed his feelings.

As he stroked faster, Remus’ cock lubricated with pre-cum, he felt himself getting hard as well. No matter how tired or worried he was, listening to Remus whine and squirm beneath his fingers couldn’t not turn him on. It wasn’t the time, though, so he worked on finishing off Remus. He could already see the signs of him getting close: Remus’ one leg was twitching and his hand was moving on his chest like a dog trying to dig in the dirt.

Remus stopped him with his hand and a raspy “Stop.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, barely visible in the moonlight, and waited for Remus to elaborate, not moving his hand.

“Please Sirius, fuck me.”

Sirius got on top of Remus, trying not to accidentally shove him as the bed moved beneath them as his weight shifted. As gently as he could, he spread Remus’ legs and started running his hands around his legs and ass, kissing him as his hands wandered.

Remus wasn’t in a gentle mood as Sirius was, and was kissing him back roughly, teeth clacking every now and again as he impatiently pressed their mouths together. He was pulling Sirius by the neck with one hand while his other hand clung to his back, leaving soft scratch marks.

Sirius finally entered Remus after a short while of preparing him and awkward making out (Sirius pulling back sometimes as Remus lunged at him like prey). They both groaned in pleasure. As he moved and Remus started gasping and moaning, Sirius’ patience faltered and he started fucking Remus faster, closer to their usual pace. Remus tried to make him go harder by lifting his hips with his thrusts, but Sirius held back as much as he could. Remus didn’t cry easily, he knew that whatever had happened must have hurt a lot.

Remus stopped moving. Sirius looked down to see the werewolf staring at him intensely, almost angrily. But Sirius knew it wasn’t anger that he saw - he’d seen that look before, many times. Close to the full moon especially. It was determined lust. The full moon had been four days ago, and this was the first time Sirius was seeing the harsh gaze so far from the transformation.

Remus kept looking at Sirius as if daring him to say (or do) something. Sirius realized then that in his concentration to not hurt Remus, he had forgotten to give his cock any attention. He balanced himself on one hand, licked his right palm and started stroking Remus again. Remus closed his eyes for a moment and Sirius thought he had gotten the message.

“Get off,” Remus said in a dangerously calm voice.

“Sorry I just forgot—” Sirius started but Remus shook his head.

“You’re just teasing me. If you’re not going to do it right, let _me_.” Remus’ voice as he uttered the words sent shivers down Sirius’ spine.

For a few brief seconds Sirius considered taking this as a challenge or telling Remus they need to be careful because he’s hurt but both thoughts disappeared as his penis twitched and reminded Sirius of how much he would like to “let” Remus. Remus rarely topped, partially because he was afraid of hurting Sirius with his werewolf strength. Sirius wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass.

With a gentle pop, Sirius was out and as he was about to lay on his back when Remus stopped him with a hand on his shoulder and soft huff.

“On your knees,” Remus said, almost growling. Sirius obeyed and got on all fours, his heart beating faster and faster in anticipation.

Sirius prepared mentally for being stretched by Remus’ fingers - Remus was exceptionally good at finding his prostate - but found that Remus didn’t have the patience that night as he heard Remus murmur and felt his muscles relax. Remus had used a spell instead. He caught Sirius off guard again when instead of entering him instantly, he did actually go in with his fingers, massaging Sirius and earning a surprised yell of pleasure.

Almost a minute later, Sirius was begging for Remus to fuck him already and even though Remus hadn’t spoken yet, Sirius could somehow feel his smile. Remus bent down as far as he could with his three fingers still in Sirius. “You’re mine,” he whispered and curled his fingers one last time and took them out as Sirius moaned.

The next three minutes were a blur of ecstasy and need as Sirius stopped being able to think coherently, lost in the pleasure. Remus was fucking him harder than he ever had and he didn’t have a moment to think as Remus pounded into him, scratched and bit him on his back while stroking his cock roughly.

Sirius came before Remus, as he always did when Remus fucked him. The werewolf seemed to have more control over his body than Sirius ever did, and Sirius knew that his orgasm - and clenching - was what Remus always waited for. A few deep thrusts after, Remus came as well and stood still, holding onto Sirius tightly, cock still buried in him. When he laid back down next to Sirius, Sirius let himself drop onto the bed, spent in the most wonderful way.

He had a grin on his face that dropped when he looked at Remus, who had tears running down his cheek and a calm but empty expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, his post-orgasm bliss forgotten.

“I’m —” Remus hesitated and gave Sirius a quick glance and licked his lips before continuing. “I’m so afraid of losing you.”

“You’ll never lose me, Moony,” Sirius said gently, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. They’d had similar conversations before when Remus couldn’t believe that _the_ Sirius Black could ever be satisfied with a poor, skinny werewolf. “You’re the one I want,” he continued and put his head on Remus’ chest to illustrate his point, unable to stop a small smile from forming.

“Not what I meant,” Remus said, his voice a little happier regardless. “I mean… I mean if you die. On a mission.”

Sirius got up and sat on the bed, staring at Remus who had now closed his eyes but was not crying any more. _How many people died_ , he wanted to ask but knew he couldn’t. Remus’ mission had been a solo one, which meant that anybody who died wasn’t a member of the Order, and Remus couldn’t share that information with Sirius.

“Either of us could die, Moony,” he replied, trying to choose his words carefully. “We’re in a war. Even if we didn’t go on missions we could be killed. At least this way we get to fight back.” He was trying to comfort himself as much as Remus. As much danger as he had been in, Remus’ missions were on a different level, and he knew that. Every time Remus left on a mission he had to stop himself from stupefying him, chaining him to the bedpost and keeping him prisoner so he couldn’t leave.

“I guess,” Remus said, then shrugged. “I’m just tired of going on these missions, barely ever seeing you and knowing that we are both constantly the flick of a wand away from being killed.” He paused. “I heard about McGool. I had to stop by Dumbledore’s before I came here, and he told me.”

“Is that why you feel this way, then? Because I was so close to a traitor?”

“Partially,” Remus responded, opening his eyes, “You’re the best thing in my life, and I can’t even imagine how I would live without you.”

Taken aback by Remus’ sudden openness, Sirius held back his instinct to grin and snog Remus on the spot, responding with whispers of sweet nothings. He didn’t want Remus to close off.

“Your mother is Christian, right?” he asked instead of repeating ‘I love you’ a dozen times like he wanted to.

Remus blinked. “Uh, yeah.”

“You’re not, though?”

Remus chuckled darkly. “No, not really. Even she was just raised that way. Certainly not a _good_ Christian at any rate, marrying a wizard.” When Sirius looked confused, he continued. “Christians are, uh, _strongly_ against magic.”

“Weird,” Sirius said, then went back to his original train of thought, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I believe in an after life. Wouldn’t make sense to have ghosts otherwise, if we didn’t have spirits. What it looks like or how it is I don’t know, but I imagine all the dead that have passed on are there.”

It took Remus a few moments before it dawned on him what Sirius was talking about. “You’re saying we’ll see each other on the other side?”

“Yes,” Sirius said, an unusually gentle smile on his lips. “I’m sure of it.”

Remus got up and sat as well, facing Sirius and smiling sadly. “Should I kill myself if I hear that you have died, then? So we can meet?”

Sirius’ eyebrows came together and his expression got dark. He held out a hand and cupped Remus’ cheek in it. “No,” he said, “Don’t ever hurt yourself for me. Don’t throw your life away if I die tomorrow. We’re eighteen for Merlin’s sake Remus. You have friends and family to live for, years and years ahead of you to live.” Remus looked like he wanted to respond but Sirius wasn’t done. “Now I’m not saying go bugger off with some hot guy the day after I’m dead,” he continued, his voice lighter and his expression not as dark any more, “But don’t ever think about killing yourself for me. Just know that when the time comes - when you die - you’ll be coming home to me, and I will be there.”

“You hate waiting,” Remus grinned.

“I don’t think there’s time, on the other side,” Sirius replied seriously to Remus’ half-joke, “For me it won’t feel like waiting.” He sounded very sure of himself, a bittersweet smile on his lips.

Remus took a while to digest the information before responding. “Let’s make a deal, then,” he said in his Professor-voice as Sirius called it, “When — _If_ either of us dies, we’ll think of the other. That way we won’t be scared or sad. We’ll smile and get ready to meet the other.” Like Sirius, when Remus spoke he was speaking at both of them, convincing himself as much as his lover.

Sirius kissed Remus deeply and with almost as much passion as Remus had had half an hour ago. “Deal,” he said simply. After a few more butterfly kisses, they laid down and finally went to sleep.

 

~

 

Bellatrix’s hit was unexpected. She had been smart - too smart - and thrown him off by using a stunning curse. If she had dared started saying the killing curse Sirius would have immediately ducked or retaliated. His body fought the curse, dying to go back to Harry and protect him.

A second later, as he fell slowly to what he now knew was his death, he thought of Remus. Most of his memories - certainly all the best ones - had been stripped from him in Azkaban and had only been coming back in bits and pieces. He remembered now the promise they had made each more than a decade ago.

 _Moony_ , he thought and wished more than anything that he could speak, _I’ll see you soon._

 

~

 

When Dolohov’s spell came buzzing towards him, Remus cursed himself. He knew he had grown slow, he should have fought more defensively, he was too out in the open. If he’d been teaching a dueling class he would have ducked points from the student that acted as he had just now.

Knowing there was no time or opportunity to escape, he hoped Tonks and Teddy were alright. His family had been the only happiness he had found in the last year save for Harry. Then he thought of Sirius. Sirius, his broken, once-handsome lover whose suffering had ended - too soon - a while ago.

The green light was inches away from his chest when he started smiling his crooked, genuine smile saved for moments alone with Sirius. “I’m coming, Padfoot,” he whispered to himself.

 

~

 

“Moony!”

“He hasn’t been dead a minute, Padfoot, let the man have a moment,” James said, laughing.

 

_James._

 

“You’ve always been this way, Sirius. But I think that’s why he liked you. Complete opposites.” Remus could hear the smile in Lily’s voice.

Remus opened his eyes and closed them again instantly as he was surrounded by bright lights. He opened his eyelids again slowly, and now the room he was in was at a more manageable brightness. He looked around him and saw James, Lily and Sirius who was sitting next to him as he lay on a bed. That’s when he noticed that he was, in fact, in a bed and in his pyjamas.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he stared at them. They were young, even Sirius. They didn’t look older than twenty or twenty one. _Of course,_ he thought to himself, _when Lily and James died._ He looked down and saw that his body was young as well. He didn’t know how, but he remembered that the scars on his arm matched his twenty-one-year-old self.

He didn’t know what to say as Sirius grabbed him and just cried quietly, smiling. He was rendered speechless by happiness. “You were right, Padfoot,” he chuckled.

“Aren’t I always?” Sirius replied, voice muffled by Remus’ neck.

Remus shook his head and grinned at Lily and James. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. He could say that he was sorry and talk about how unfair their short lives had been but he somehow felt that they knew. Anything he thought of, he was sure that they knew. They were just happy to have him back.

“We’ve missed you too, Moony,” James said, grinning, “Lily needs somebody to be intellectual with. Will drive me crazy otherwise.”

Although he was aware that they knew - even if they hadn’t, Sirius would have told them by now - he couldn’t help but talk about Harry. “Harry takes after you, I’m afraid. He enjoyed my company but not nearly as much as he did the Quidditch pitch, I’m quite certain. He’s a Gryffindor like all of us.” As he said that, he noticed that they were in the boys’ dormitory in Gryffindor. He raised an eyebrow as he looked around. “Interesting choice of living - ‘death?’ - quarters,” he said to his friends.

“Your choice,” Sirius smiled as he pulled slightly away from Remus, still holding on to him, “We all see it different. You’ll understand when you’re here a bit more. We can usually tell what the other person’s seeing, but we all see the environment differently.” As Remus pondered about that, likening it to certain illusion charms, Sirius continued, “I see our first apartment. I thought you would, too. But you went further back. Makes sense, I suppose.”

“I’m a little concerned you’re on _my_ bed, Moony,” James said, a childish frown on his face.

Remus blushed. It had been so many years since he had felt embarrassed and awkward in this way. He truly felt like the young man he had once been. “Er—” he started but didn’t know how to respond.

Sirius was grinning like the sadistic maniac that he was. “Well, Prongsy,” he replied in stead of Remus, “We had some pretty good times here.”

Lily giggled and James eyes grew wide. “Moony!” he half-yelled, “Padfoot I understand - he’ll do anything to break rules and annoy people - but how _could_ you?”

“It was only once,” Remus murmured, turning away, unable to look at James in the eyes.

“But it was _great_ ,” Sirius added, just in case anybody had doubts.

“I’ll show _you_ ‘great,’” James said, pouting as he drew his wand.

As the two boys started fighting amiably - throwing tickling spells or giant pillows at each other - Lily sat down next to Remus, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his friends with a grin.

“I’m sorry I left Harry alone,” Remus whispered.

Lily shook her head. “You did more for him than almost anybody. He would be dead if it weren’t for you. He also has his friends. And us. He’s not alone.”

“I wish I could have been his parent.”

“I know.”

“I wish _you_ could have raised him,” Remus said, looking up at Lily.

Lily smiled sadly.

“I am so happy here. I feel guilty knowing what I have left behind but I— I am so happy.”

“I know,” Lily repeated, her smile widening.

Eventually the boys tired of the fight and walked over to their partners.

“Did you keep your promise, then?” Sirius asked Remus casually as if asking about whether or not he’d remembered to pick up milk from the store.

“You didn’t really keep yours,” Remus responded gently, but there was some pain in his voice as he remembered how shocked and insulted Sirius had looked as he fell through the veil, “I didn’t see you smile.”

“I was stunned, you twat!” Sirius shot back, but was smiling. They sat together in silence for a while until Sirius spoke again.

“I was, mentally,” Sirius said softly, “I was thinking of meeting you soon.”

Remus took Sirius’ hand and squeezed it. “Me too,” he replied, “I was thinking of meeting you and I think I even managed a smile.”

Sirius grinned and Remus’ heart ached as he saw the love of his life happy and carefree - with that grin on his face and genuine happiness twinkling in his eyes, Sirius was the Sirius Black he knew as a young boy. His Padfoot. He smiled back a smile so wide that it got crooked because of his scarring.

“Love that crooked smile of yours,” Sirius whispered as he leaned in for a kiss.


End file.
